Effective Listening

Imagine you're asking co-workers or friends for feedback, “What do you think?” When they smile and reply, “That's a good idea,” you'd hear when they're just trying to be nice and not wanting to hurt your feelings. And you'd know that they're actually holding back valuable feedback that you might want and be able to ask for it.

Or imagine you're proposing an idea you're excited about, but the person you're telling says no and then just rattles off a laundry list of reasons. Every time you make an adjustment, you're hit with another reason. You'd hear that the reasons are really just a coverup for the real reason. And you'd be able to dig deeper and ask what's going on.

Or imagine you're working on a project together with someone or getting approval on a project you're working on. You have a conversation around what you're hoping to accomplish. You'd hear what's actually important to other stakeholders amidst everything that's being said. And that lets you spend your energy on what matters most.

People often say one thing but mean another. We all do.

That's why being able to hear what's not being said changes everything. It lets you drive conversations forward when they seem stuck — how many times have we hit impasses in debates at work or at home? It helps you know what's really important when someone asks you to do something — how often have we delivered results that didn't align with what they actually wanted? It means you miss out on fewer opportunities to connect and make things happen. And it can even make your everyday interactions with people more delightful.

If effective listening is so powerful, why don't more people do it?

We're limited by a big myth.
Imagine you're asking co-workers or friends for feedback, “What do you think?” When they smile and reply, “That's a good idea,” you'd hear when they're just trying to be nice and not wanting to hurt your feelings. And you'd know that they're actually holding back valuable feedback that you might want and be able to ask for it.

Or imagine you're proposing an idea you're excited about, but the person you're telling says no and then just rattles off a laundry list of reasons. Every time you make an adjustment, you're hit with another reason. You'd hear that the reasons are really just a coverup for the real reason. And you'd be able to dig deeper and ask what's going on.

Or imagine you're working on a project together with someone or getting approval on a project you're working on. You have a conversation around what you're hoping to accomplish. You'd hear what's actually important to other stakeholders amidst everything that's being said. And that lets you spend your energy on what matters most.

People often say one thing but mean another. We all do.

That's why being able to hear what's not being said changes everything. It lets you drive conversations forward when they seem stuck — how many times have we hit impasses in debates at work or at home? It helps you know what's really important when someone asks you to do something — how often have we delivered results that didn't align with what they actually wanted? It means you miss out on fewer opportunities to connect and make things happen. And it can even make your everyday interactions with people more delightful.

If effective listening is so powerful, why don't more people do it?

We're limited by a big myth.